Queen of Southbeach, aging blues

So Valentines 2011 came and went, and I survived it! I've never been upset about being single on this day because I genuinely believe that unless I'm with someone that makes my heart skip a beat each and everytime I see him, I'd rather be alone.
Being alone isn't that bad at all, and contrary to what all the romance novels/movies/dramas tell you, it's pretty damn satisfying and life CAN be complete without your other half.

Yet I missed someone today, someone who hasn't been in my life as a special someone for that long, but came to play an important part nonetheless. Sometimes I question why things happen the way they do, but I hold on to my faith and hope beyond rainbows that one day I will see the bigger picture.
I had dinner with the best friends today and it was lovely, from the high-end Japanese food to the VIP treatment to the wonderful company and the comfort of knowing that these AMAZING individuals always got my back.
But here and there, I kept looking to my side and wishing that he was sitting next to me. Just maybe once or twice, I thought maybe, it would've been nice to share this not-so-special day with this newly-special boy but I guess certain things are not meant to be.

But still, if only we could've given things a proper shot. It never ceases to amaze me how some people are so scared of getting hurt, that they'd rather risk losing out on something potentially good. But then I take solace in the fact that if they really were the 'one', then they'd probably wanna fight a bit more to stay with me, so I guess at the end of the day it's just a case of he just not being that into me.

Kinda sucks when I think of him grabbing coffee with some other girl tonight, and even though he was never mine to begin with, it felt painful. Ah well, I wish him well. He deserves good things, and if I cannot be the one to give them to him then I hope he finds someone who will.

I'm thankful for my family, my ridiculously lovely friends, my loyal and loving dog, my job, my health and everything that I'm blessed with in general. So today, I celebrate loving my life, but I hope next year brings me a little more.

I still believe in love. It's going to come, some day, right? Or will it always be pulled away just before I start to think that maybe, this time, I could fall madly deeply in love with someone.

It's too early to cry over you, and I'm glad I kept my heart safe but damn, I wish we could've tried.

the voices in my head are singing 4:11 am

It's ridiculous how the years fly by. And it's even scarier how the corporate world rips away our freedom to do simple things like blogging without feeling the guilt of wasting your time.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I can be guilty of spending endless unnecessary hours on facebook, either profile surfing or playing scrabble, but there's something unnerving about disclosing your personal feelings online via your blog that seems too taboo nowadays. Maybe it's cos we take it for granted that we have the privacy of the inactive pseudo living-dead online world, or maybe it's cos we're too skeptical to even fathom the idea that someone we know might even bother to come and read what we've vomited out for the day. But all I know is that when I let go online, I genuinely feel unburdened. So i'm gonna do this again. I actually started writing one last week, but then i deleted it because I guess somethings are really just better off said in our head.

So hello virtual world. Will you be nicer to me than the real world was? Do you promise not to tease me, and make me hope before just ripping it all away just cause you feel like it? I trust that you'll play nice. Humans are the ones that we should beware of, surprisingly.

And no, I'm not jaded, yet. I'm still the same ridiculously optimistic girl I've always been but this time, next time, I'm not gonna let my guard down so easily. Because if even someone you really thought you knew well enough can hurt you, not be very nice about it, and then walk away as if it didn't mean anything to them, that's GOTTA teach me that life's a bitch so I really gotta start being more of one myself. It's just self-preservation.

So i'm gonna LEARN that bitter lesson for once in my life, and never let it happen again.

It's a Sunday. 2 weeks ago, i was in KL, happy and pretty much satisfied. One week ago, I was crying my eyes out at how things could change so fast. Today, i sit here numb, and unaffected, believing fervently that the people that are worth your time, shouldn't make you feel like shit. Which is an easy enough rule to follow, no?

So lets see if I can do better this time.

the voices in my head are singing 3:46 pm